I am trying different introduction techniques that I could use in place of my current introduction. In my original introduction I started off by listing some interesting facts about chocolate chip cookies in general. Then, I brought in some of my own opinions on the tastes of cookie that helped create a more informal feel for the remainder of the essay. While I did like some of my new introductions, I still preferred my original for my essay. This is probably because at the time I had just tested the cookies, and I was thinking more about the topic at the time.
Original Introduction:
Believe it or not, chocolate chip cookies were actually invented. They weren’t just made by every grandma in history and passed down to their grandchildren. In fact, chocolate chip cookies were first invented in 1930. That means that they haven’t even been around for 100 years, so any person claiming to have the best recipe that has been passed down through their family for generations is lying!
Technique #1: A Good Question - This is a good way to draw the reader in with an interesting question. But that's just it, it has to be interesting. I think I accomplished the interesting part with this one, as it is on a personal level with the reader, but still addressing a possible problem.
Do you enjoy every type of chocolate chip cookie that you try? I don't think so. Some are phenomenal, while some... not so much. I was lucky enough to "study" the tastes of various store bought cookies and compare them to the cherished homemade cookies that I love so much. While the majority of the cookies were downright awful, there were a few that I actually enjoyed. Although, absolutely none of them compared to the homemade cookies that I had grown so fond of, even with the appealing packaging.
Technique #2: Speaking Directly to the Reader's Concerns - This is talking right at the reader. You want to make them feel like the essay was tailored for them. This is a very difficult technique to master, as you need to get inside the readers' heads. Also, not all readers will have the same direction, so you have to appeal to the majority.
Perhaps you have had a time when you could not decide which chocolate chip cookie to purchase, like what brand, what size, and even what shape. Maybe you have trouble finding a chocolate chip cookie that you actually enjoy. You want one that doesn't make you're taste buds cringe. I was always in this same boat, as chocolate chip cookies were my favorite after dinner meal. That is, until I decided I would test various cookies to determine which was my absolute favorite.
Technique #3: Quotation - This is pretty self explanatory. It opens up the essay with a quotation that makes the reader want more. I don't really like this style because it seems to forced. I feel like quotations are only used in the introduction if there is no other good way to open it. It feels like you are just copying someone else's work because you could not think of anything yourself.
"Eww... this is absolutely the worst cookie I have ever tasted" blurted one of my classmates. "Even worse than the sugar free brand?" Another student replied. And so the comments went back and forth debating the taste of the store bought cookies that didn't stand a chance against homemade delicacies. We continued analyzing each and every cookie and determining what we thought of each. From there, we were able to decide what we liked and didn't like as we became experts on the various cookies.
I think the first one is the best. Starting off with that question got me thinki8ng about all of the chocolate chip cookies I have tried. There is also a good amount of detail that sets the tone for the paper. The second one was good as well. I like this technique because it connects directly with the reader so it captures their attention easier. Now the last one i dont really like. Most of it seems like a giant conversation that doesnt really belong at the beginning of a paper. It would be a good example to illustrate some of the tastes later on in your essay, but not at the beginning.
ReplyDeleteI think the first introduction listed is my favorite out of the three because when looking at the other two they were bland compared to the first one. The first introduction provided enough detail to have the readers attention and it didn't sound infomercial like. Technique two wasn't as great as the first introduction because of the fact you added too many periods where you could have elaborated more on details with what you were talking about. For example, "maybe you have trouble finding a chocolate chip cookie that you actually enjoy." You could have added more reason on to as why the reader would have trouble finding a good enough chocolate chip cookie. As for the last technique you listed it was pretty much saying me and my classmates analyzed cookies. Awesome... what was the debate about, what brands were you taste testing, ... The first one was my favorite because of the detail and being able to relate.
ReplyDeletei like the first one the most because it makes the reader question what they what they may believe. many people think that all cookies taste good but if you question what they think then it might make them more open to listening to what you have to say
ReplyDeleteI liked your third introduction the best, I think that it drew the readers attention better than the other ones. I also liked the first one too because papers that start out with questions are just good...
ReplyDeleteI liked your first introduction the best. It immediately connects to the reader and grabs there attention immediately. It also makes the reader want to know which cookies were good, which cookies were bad, and what brand of cookie they were.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your first introduction. Right away I got a good feel for what the paper is going to be about and it also gives your opinion. Also I liked how you added alot of detail all throughout the paragraph and it really got me thinking right from the begining what types of cookies I enjoy.
ReplyDeleteHi Grant,
ReplyDeleteThis one is a bit better that the one on conclusions at introducing what the post was about. You could still do a bit more and consider including your original introduction to help us see what you were talking about. You might also cite some phrases from it in that opening paragraph as you critique it.
In the end, what do you think? Your peers have given their thoughts, what conclusions can you draw in the end?
Your conclusions can help you know what to say about this posting in the "Letter to the Reader." After having done this entry, reflected on it and read comments from your peers, what did you learn about drafting conclusions? Get THIS into that "Letter to the Reader."
Ms. Basko