Read THIS Before Reading THAT...Again

You may see this post again further down in my blog. And by you may, I mean you will. That's because I had to make a last minute revision, but I still want you to read this first. I would have deleted the duplicate, but it has very valuable comments on it. Enjoy!

Dear Reader,

            When I started this course, I wasn’t quite sure what was in store for the semester. I had heard that it would help prepare you for college essays, so I thought it would be a good class to take. That’s why I initially asked my counselor to make sure I was taking College Composition first semester of my senior year. Throughout the semester, I expanded on my writing abilities and learned new techniques to improve my overall writing style. As the class progressed, I continued to realize how helpful this class was for me. It was easy to write papers when we had such freedom in the topic we chose. The main strides that I have made as a writer are definitely on the topic of fluidity. I find it much easier to piece together sentences in a clear and coherent manner without making the reader confused. Each paper I wrote became easier and easier than the last I had written. It definitely can be seen throughout the progression of my papers to the present date. I really liked my 7 Deadly Sins paper, as I was able to take something that was so rigid in structure and expand upon it in my own unique way.

            My first post was a reflection on chocolate chip cookies, which was very interesting for me. I have always loved chocolate chip cookies, so it was awesome to be able to taste test them and then write about them. During taste testing everyone had some unique things to say and different opinions on each cookie. It made it really easy to write about them since there was so much input from everyone. After rereading this essay, I noticed that I had some bland parts in it, so I made sure to point those out in the reflection.

            My next post was back on still on the chocolate chip cookie topic. I created three possible introductions using various techniques we had learned about over the course of the year. I was able to create a few introductions that I was actually more satisfied with than my current one in the paper. After reading my peers’ thoughts on my introductions, it is clear that the first one is the best. I definitely agree with this, although I am currently satisfied with my current introduction in the paper.

            Next, I blogged about the Seven Deadly Sins. I found this paper very interesting because I was able to spin it in any direction that I chose. In this case, I used a college setting because it is the next step in my future. It was fun to come up with various ways to express each of the sins and make an interesting story out of it. I reflected on the paper in this blog as well. You should definitely take a look at it. I even posted a revision in the next post. Exemplification papers are probably one of my more favorite topics now.

            Then I talked about conclusions, similar to how I talked about the introductions. I made two sound conclusions that could easily go into my story and sound well. Here I also used some conclusion techniques like those in the introductions. However, I still really liked my original introduction for my Seven Deadly Sins paper, so I decided to stick with it. Although, the revised ones show some very savvy technique.

            I then reflected on my partner and I’s how to paper. This was a fun write because we worked together on it and it was something we both knew very well. Coming up with very step was one of the best parts, as we used firsthand experiences to draw the reader in. The funny thing is that every step of this paper is 100 percent true.

            Finally, I posted a paper that I wanted revised. It happened to be one of my first papers in this class, so I wanted to see what would be changed since I have learned so much since writing it. I actually really enjoyed writing this paper, since I was able to get really creative. It was mostly a descriptive paper and I was able to really create unique visions for the reader with words. I had no idea that was so easy to do. In fact, this class made everything in writing much easier. 

            Hope you enjoy,

                        Grant

Iron Man 2

I took into account the comments that my teacher left me on this revision and really tried to make changes to improve the story. I wanted to improve the overall impression that I left on the reader, while still maintaining my own connection to the story. I think I did well in doing so. 

I added more descriptive details in areas where I thought I was lacking, so as to make the story more interesting. You can use these details to break up long paragraphs of dialogue, which will help keep the reader interested. I made sure to do just that. 

I also wanted to improve my description of the Robert Downey Jr. character, so I inserted some details about his physical attributes along with emotional characteristics. I especially liked this line; "His dark black hair and rugged five o’clock shadow gave it away." I felt as though the small description did a very good job of creating a picture for the reader. 

However, while I did make subtle revisions, I am very satisfied with my paper. I had the most fun writing it and it definitely shows. I think the character description and moral were portrayed for themselves and really let the reader delve into the story. I am very satisfied.

The Iron Man

            My knee was throbbing. I had been waiting in the airport for over two hours. The new rod in my left tibia was not faring well for my comfort, never mind airport security. I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked to step aside after walking through a screaming metal detector. It has come to the point where I don’t even stop to remove my belt, watch, or whatever else may set off the alarm. This time particularly, the security guards gave me a rather rough time, since I didn’t bring my “I have a metal rod in my leg” card. Of course, with my luck, I missed my flight, requiring me to reschedule for that evening’s red eye.

            The family that was waiting next to the seat I was currently occupying had some kind of issue with staying quiet. If we were in the Library of Congress, this family would have ten security guards escorting them within a matter of seconds. I was overhearing a conversation about a new movie called Iron Man that was supposedly meant to inspire little kids to run around jumping off everything they could rest their eyes on. Just as one of the kids burst into song, “I am Iron Man…”, the loudspeaker came on finally announcing that my flight could now be boarded.  

            If you didn’t pick up on my leg issue before, I had surgery because of a growth in my leg that was pushing out on the bone. Basically, the doctors messed up bad and now I’m stuck with a compressed nerve for a while. Anyway, because of this I’m allowed to board plane flights first, that is, if I get through security fast enough. This is one of the few times I have been able to take advantage of it. First class, here we come.

            When I walk through the tunnel to board the bridge I’m escorted by security personnel because a guy with a bad limp is a dangerous citizen… not. I find my seat, the first one there. Now, this is clearly a spot meant for the wealthy. Not only is it first class, but there are only two seats next to each other, with beds on the other side. Keep in mind that this is not a transatlantic flight. I suppose some people like to nap for the hour and a half trip it takes to get from Philadelphia to New York. As I continue to examine the plane, I recognize the curtain that shields me from the whiny families, the bartender whose sole purpose is to get people feeling tipsy, and of course, the high definition televisions for each seat. That’s right, each seat.

            After getting settled, and stretching my legs out, all of the other passengers begin to board. I recognize some of them from the lobby, but others are new. Nothing too alarming. A businessman and a spoiled teenage girl also claim their first class seats, but everyone else just passes by, secretly in envy.
            I looked at the white leather of the seats representing first class, and the mahogany cup holders and arm rests that were embedded in each. Furthermore, I notice the businessman plugging his laptop into an outlet on the plane. I had no idea they had outlets on a plane. The teenage girl immediately kicks back and orders a drink and a small portion of food from the touch screen menu. First class really did have all the luxury…and space in the world.

            Finally, the flight attendant comes on the speaker and announces the departure. Just as the plane’s engine starts to rev into action, the door to the plane opens again as a man dressed in a navy blue suit races in. He isn’t carrying anything with him but a bottle of water. He looks important. For a minute he fumbles with his ticket, then finds his seat. He takes up the seat next to mine. There goes my peaceful flight.

            Once the plane was in the air, I started to feel like I recognized the man from somewhere. The thought quickly passed and I tried to catch some sleep.

            Midway through the flight, I woke up to the man next to me tapping my shoulder. “Excuse me, sir… I have to go to the bathroom, but I did not want to step on your feet.” I suppose I had my legs stretched out to keep comfortable.

            “What? Oh… sure, sure.” I responded tiredly.

            The man got up, easily walking passed me now that my long legs were out of the way. When he looked at me in thanks, it clicked. I knew exactly who he was almost immediately. His dark black hair and rugged five o’clock shadow gave it away. It was the actor, Robert Downey Jr.

            For a minute I just sat in my seat pondering the thought of riding a plane next to a celebrity. Should I get his autograph? Take a picture? There were so many things I could ask him. I finally decided that I would just play it cool and try not to upset the guy.

            A few seconds later, he came back from the bathroom and sat down. For some reason I was actually nervous. I turned to him, kind of like a fifth grader asking out his first girlfriend, and said “Hey… aren’t you Robert Downey Jr.?”

            He responded with an upbeat, “Well yes I am!”

            A bit surprised by his response, I just said “cool” real quietly.

            Thinking the conversation was over, he asked me, “So, have you seen the new movie?”

            I knew that he played the main role in Iron Man, but I hadn’t seen it, and to be honest, I didn’t plan to. However, I replied “No I haven’t seen it yet, but I really want to.” I used this as a way to sort of suck up to him.

            “Right, right.” He said. “So enough about that, who are you and what do you do?”

            I told him my name, my life story in short, what I did, and what my intentions were within the next ten minutes rather briefly.

            Then, I remembered the special on Oprah the previous week with Robert Downey Jr. discussing his past. Rather stupidly and abruptly, I said, “How did you overcome your drug addiction?” I immediately regretted my decision and blushed a little bit.

            For a minute I thought he was going to bite my head off. It wasn’t until he smiled with his almost too white teeth and said “What would you like to know?” that I let out a sigh of relief.

            “Well, I mean, I know plenty of people who use drugs recreationally and even some who are addicted, but I’ve never known someone who had the power to go to rehab and put their life back on track.”

            “So basically you want to know what pushed me into rehab and how I was able to finally kick my bad habit?” The actor replied.

            I nodded, thinking that this was going to be an interesting flight.

            “Well, drugs became an everyday part of my life from a very young age, starting mainly with Marijuana. However, eventually my friends and the adults around me were doing more drugs, so I though it couldn’t hurt to try. I would tell myself that I was only going to take one pill, one time, or that I would only snort cocaine once. Eventually it got to the point where I was telling myself that I was only going to shoot up one time, and then it became two times, and so on. I never realized that I had a problem.” He paused for a minute as he remembered his troubled past, and lowered his dense brow briefly.

            At that point a very good looking red-headed stewardess came by with a drink offer. “Oh, hey there Pepper, what’s the news today?”, Downey said with a smirk on his face as he compared her to his assistant in his movie. The waiter blushed and read him the menu. He was watching, seemingly interested, and then ordered a diet coke.

“I was living fine, financially. It was the other aspects that brought me to realization. I couldn’t hold a job, and I would continually get worse and worse positions on set. My wife left me, and no one would really talk to me. It was just me and my heroin. Sean Penn at the time dragged me to the rehab center. Doing what I thought was the best thing at the time, I escaped and continued with my old ways” I could tell by the look in his eyes that he regretted doing that. “After a few more close calls with the drug, and messed up relationships, I knew something had to be done. I called a few friends and asked them to take me into a rehab center. I couldn’t do anymore jail time, and this lifestyle was not working for me. Once you make the decision, the recovery is easy. That’s all it took. The decision. Come to think of it, I don’t even know why I’m riding first class. I thought I decided that I was going to go coach from now on…”

He kept talking about small things, but I was in awe. The words that just came out of this man’s mouth were things I had never heard before. “I can’t believe that was all it took. In all of the other stories I hear, the rehab part is the hardest, not the decision.”

            “They aren’t trying hard enough. If you make a true decision to change your life, it can be done as easy as it sounds. No matter what hindrance you may encounter, don’t let it take control of you and destroy a brighter future. In the end, the things that matter cannot be halted by mere recreational activities that have no positive effects.”

            I didn’t respond to him for a few minutes. I just sat and thought about what had just been said. Something so vast shrunk into a few words was something breathtaking for me. We didn’t discuss that topic again for the rest of the flight. He didn’t give me an autograph, a picture, his phone number; he gave me a life lesson that only someone who has first hand experiences can fully understand.

Read THIS Before Reading THAT

Dear Reader,

            When I started this course, I wasn’t quite sure what was in store for the semester. I had heard that it would help prepare you for college essays, so I thought it would be a good class to take. That’s why I initially asked my counselor to make sure I was taking College Composition first semester of my senior year. Throughout the semester, I expanded on my writing abilities and learned new techniques to improve my overall writing style. As the class progressed, I continued to realize how helpful this class was for me. It was easy to write papers when we had such freedom in the topic we chose. The main strides that I have made as a writer are definitely on the topic of fluidity. I find it much easier to piece together sentences in a clear and coherent manner without making the reader confused. Each paper I wrote became easier and easier than the last I had written. It definitely can be seen throughout the progression of my papers to the present date. I really liked my 7 Deadly Sins paper, as I was able to take something that was so rigid in structure and expand upon it in my own unique way.

            My first post was a reflection on chocolate chip cookies, which was very interesting for me. I have always loved chocolate chip cookies, so it was awesome to be able to taste test them and then write about them. During taste testing everyone had some unique things to say and different opinions on each cookie. It made it really easy to write about them since there was so much input from everyone. After rereading this essay, I noticed that I had some bland parts in it, so I made sure to point those out in the reflection.

            My next post was back on still on the chocolate chip cookie topic. I created three possible introductions using various techniques we had learned about over the course of the year. I was able to create a few introductions that I was actually more satisfied with than my current one in the paper. After reading my peers’ thoughts on my introductions, it is clear that the first one is the best. I definitely agree with this, although I am currently satisfied with my current introduction in the paper.

            Next, I blogged about the Seven Deadly Sins. I found this paper very interesting because I was able to spin it in any direction that I chose. In this case, I used a college setting because it is the next step in my future. It was fun to come up with various ways to express each of the sins and make an interesting story out of it. I reflected on the paper in this blog as well. You should definitely take a look at it. I even posted a revision in the next post. Exemplification papers are probably one of my more favorite topics now.

            Then I talked about conclusions, similar to how I talked about the introductions. I made two sound conclusions that could easily go into my story and sound well. Here I also used some conclusion techniques like those in the introductions. However, I still really liked my original introduction for my Seven Deadly Sins paper, so I decided to stick with it. Although, the revised ones show some very savvy technique.

            I then reflected on my partner and I’s how to paper. This was a fun write because we worked together on it and it was something we both knew very well. Coming up with very step was one of the best parts, as we used firsthand experiences to draw the reader in. The funny thing is that every step of this paper is 100 percent true.

            Finally, I posted a paper that I wanted revised. It happened to be one of my first papers in this class, so I wanted to see what would be changed since I have learned so much since writing it. I actually really enjoyed writing this paper, since I was able to get really creative. It was mostly a descriptive paper and I was able to really create unique visions for the reader with words. I had no idea that was so easy to do. In fact, this class made everything in writing much easier. 

            Hope you enjoy,

                        Grant

I AM.... IRON MAN!

I would like my Robert Downey Jr. (Celebrity) Paper to be revised. I probably enjoyed writing this paper the most this year and I thought that I was very creative with it. I thought I did a decent job on the paper, and really liked figuring out creative ways to portray the celebrity character. Being that it was one of the earlier papers this year, it is definitely somewhat rough and could use some touch up. But, I wrote it knowing exactly what I wanted to do, which was portray Robert Downey Jr. as a role model, and I at least succeeded in that aspect. The paper does well in providing interesting descriptions.

I really liked my introduction, as I feel I was very descriptive, yet interesting. There wasn't a line in the introduction that I did not like. It is as follows: "My knee was throbbing. I had been waiting in the airport for over two hours. The new rod in my left tibia was not fairing well for my comfort, never mind airport security. I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked to step aside after walking through a screaming metal detector. It has come to the point where I don’t even stop to remove my belt, watch, or whatever else may set off the alarm. This time particularly, the security guards gave me a rather rough time, since I didn’t bring my “I have a metal rod in my leg” card. Of course, with my luck, I missed my flight, requiring me to reschedule for that evening’s red eye." I really think this draws the reader in and makes them want to read more. Although they have no idea what the story is about, it provides an interesting opening that could open up into a good read.

Also, I think I did a good job with my observatory details. That is, explaining details of my surroundings in the story. One of my favorite examples of this was; "After getting settled, and stretching my legs out, all of the other passengers begin to board. I recognize some of them from the lobby, but others are new. Nothing too alarming. A businessman and a spoiled teenage girl also claim their first class seats, but everyone else just passes by, secretly in envy." I think this helps paint a better picture in the readers head, so that they can further understand the story and enjoy it more.

My "rough edges" were present in the story as well. Looking back one of my least favorite lines was "So basically you want to know what pushed me into rehab and how I was able to finally kick my bad habit?" I thought this was a very unnecessary and just poor sounding sentence. This was because he was simply rewording what I had said previously and doing it in a manner that sounds very corny to the reader. I also was not very satisfied with my descriptions towards the end. I should have talked more about the details of the conversation with Robert Downey Jr. That would have helped make the story more interesting.

I may have been lacking in areas that were slightly more important. Things such as grammar, idea, and overall flow may have been left behind. After reading it again, I realize it sounded fairly corny towards the end and could definitely be improved. Having that said, there are a few things that I want to be revised. The first thing is the overall flow of the story. Does it flow throughout the entire paper? If not, what can I do to improve that flow? Also, how can I make the story less corny? It almost feels artificial towards the end when he is describing what happened to him. This leads to the question of how should I break up the story of his past? I want "me" in the story to be listening the entire time, but I want the reader to be comfortable reading a longer passage without breaks. Finally, what can I do to overall improve the message my story gives off? I feel like there are definitely things I could do to improve my "moral of the story".

The Iron Man

            My knee was throbbing. I had been waiting in the airport for over two hours. The new rod in my left tibia was not fairing well for my comfort, never mind airport security. I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked to step aside after walking through a screaming metal detector. It has come to the point where I don’t even stop to remove my belt, watch, or whatever else may set off the alarm. This time particularly, the security guards gave me a rather rough time, since I didn’t bring my “I have a metal rod in my leg” card. Of course, with my luck, I missed my flight, requiring me to reschedule for that evening’s red eye.

            The family that was waiting next to the seat I was currently occupying had some kind of issue with staying quiet. If we were in the Library of Congress, this family would have ten security guards escorting them within a matter of seconds. I was overhearing a conversation about a new movie called Iron Man that was supposedly meant to inspire little kids to run around jumping off everything they could rest their eyes on. Just as one of the kids burst into song, “I am Iron Man…”, the loudspeaker came on finally announcing that my flight could now be boarded.  

            If you didn’t pick up on my leg issue before, I had surgery because of a growth in my leg that was pushing out on the bone. Basically, the doctors messed up bad and now I’m stuck with a compressed nerve for a while. Anyway, because of this I’m allowed to board plane flights first, that is, if I get through security fast enough. This is one of the few times I have been able to take advantage of it. First class, here we come.

            When I walk through the tunnel to board the bridge I’m escorted by security personnel because a guy with a bad limp is a dangerous citizen… not. I find my seat, the first one there. Now, this is clearly a spot meant for the wealthy. Not only is it first class, but there are only two seats next to each other, with beds on the other side. Keep in mind that this is not a transatlantic flight. I suppose some people like to nap for the hour and a half trip it takes to get from Philadelphia to New York. As I continue to examine the plane, I recognize the curtain that shields me from the whiny families, the bartender whose sole purpose is to get people feeling tipsy, and of course, the high definition televisions for each seat. That’s right, each seat.

            After getting settled, and stretching my legs out, all of the other passengers begin to board. I recognize some of them from the lobby, but others are new. Nothing too alarming. A businessman and a spoiled teenage girl also claim their first class seats, but everyone else just passes by, secretly in envy.

            Finally, the flight attendant comes on the speaker and announces the departure. Just as the plane’s engine starts to rev into action, the door to the plane opens again as a man dressed in a navy blue suit races in. He isn’t carrying anything with him but a bottle of water. He looks important. For a minute he fumbles with his ticket, then finds his seat. He takes up the seat next to mine. There goes my peaceful flight.

            Once the plane was in the air, I started to feel like I recognized the man from somewhere. The thought quickly passed and I tried to catch some sleep.

            Midway through the flight, I woke up to the man next to me tapping my shoulder. “Excuse me, sir… I have to go to the bathroom, but I did not want to step on your feet.” I suppose I had my legs stretched out to keep comfortable.

            “What? Oh… sure, sure.” I responded tiredly.

            The man got up, easily walking passed me now that my long legs were out of the way. When he looked at me in thanks, it clicked. I knew exactly who he was almost immediately. It was the actor, Robert Downey Jr.

            For a minute I just sat in my seat pondering the thought of riding a plane next to a celebrity. Should I get his autograph? Take a picture? There were so many things I could ask him. I finally decided that I would just play it cool and try not to upset the guy.

            A few seconds later, he came back from the bathroom and sat down. For some reason I was actually nervous. I turned to him, kind of like a fifth grader asking out his first girlfriend, and said “Hey… aren’t you Robert Downey Jr.?”

            He responded with an upbeat, “Well yes I am!”

            A bit surprised by his response, I just said “cool” real quietly.

            Thinking the conversation was over, he asked me, “So, have you seen the new movie?”

            I knew that he played the main role in Iron Man, but I hadn’t seen it, and to be honest, I didn’t plan to. However, I replied “No I haven’t seen it yet, but I really want to.” I used this as a way to sort of suck up to him.

            “Right, right.” He said. “So enough about that, who are you and what do you do?”

            I told him my name, my life story in short, what I did, and what my intentions were within the next ten minutes rather briefly.

            Then, I remembered the special on Oprah the previous week with Robert Downey Jr. discussing his past. Rather stupidly and abruptly, I said, “How did you overcome your drug addiction?” I immediately regretted my decision and blushed a little bit.

            For a minute I thought he was going to bite my head off. It wasn’t until he smiled and said “What would you like to know?” that I let out a sigh of relief.

            “Well, I mean, I know plenty of people who use drugs recreationally and even some who are addicted, but I’ve never known someone who had the power to go to rehab and put their life back on track.”

            “So basically you want to know what pushed me into rehab and how I was able to finally kick my bad habit?” The actor replied.

            I nodded, thinking that this was going to be an interesting flight.

            “Well, drugs became an everyday part of my life from a very young age, starting mainly with Marijuana. However, eventually my friends and the adults around me were doing more drugs, so I though it couldn’t hurt to try. I would tell myself that I was only going to take one pill, one time, or that I would only snort cocaine once. Eventually it got to the point where I was telling myself that I was only going to shoot up one time, and then it became two times, and so on. I never realized that I had a problem. I was living fine, financially. It was the other aspects that brought me to realization. I couldn’t hold a job, and I would continually get worse and worse positions on set. My wife left me, and no one would really talk to me. It was just me and my heroin. Sean Penn at the time dragged me to the rehab center. Doing what I thought was the best thing at the time, I escaped and continued with my old ways. After a few more close calls with the drug, and messed up relationships, I knew something had to be done. I called a few friends and asked them to take me into a rehab center. I couldn’t do anymore jail time, and this lifestyle was not working for me. Once you make the decision, the recovery is easy. That’s all it took. The decision.”

I was in awe. The words that just came out of this man’s mouth were things I had never heard before. “I can’t believe that was all it took. In all of the other stories I hear, the rehab part is the hardest, not the decision.”

            “They aren’t trying hard enough. If you make a true decision to change your life, it can be done as easy as it sounds. No matter what hindrance you may encounter, don’t let it take control of you and destroy a brighter future. In the end, the things that matter cannot be halted by mere recreational activities that have no positive effects.”

            I didn’t respond to him for a few minutes. I just sat and thought about what had just been said. Something so vast shrunk into a few words was something breathtaking for me. We didn’t discuss that topic again for the rest of the flight. He didn’t give me an autograph, a picture, his phone number; he gave me a life lesson that only someone who has first hand experiences can fully understand.

Since I Am the Professional...

When my partner and I first started this assignment we knew immediately what we wanted to do, since we both had one thing in common. And that was working at Wickham Farms, so it was easy to write a how to work there paper. Coming up with the topic basically came as a norm because it was so easy to point out that common thing between us. 


During our draft we didn't really have any obstacles because we knew what we were writing about so well. However, we did have to find the best way to word things and present them to the reader. After we did that it was rather easy writing. If I were to go back and revise my paper now, I would be sure to include a conclusion at the end. While the points were easily summed up, a conclusion would have helped in tying together everything at the end. We still end on an interesting note, so a conclusion would have just been a more formal way of doing it. Our current ending is: "This step is pretty self explanatory. You can ask questions if you are unsure of something, but don’t ask dumb questions…". While it isn't the generic ending to a story, it provides a good statement for the reader to think about before they take on the job. A formal conclusion would have involved a paragraph the touches on the various key points throughout the paper and made them sensible to the reader.


I really liked the section where we talked about pleasing the bosses wife. It is definitely one of the most talked about things at Wickham's, so it was fun to create some advice for it. "The bosses wife is a somewhat harder to please than the boss himself. She always has something she wants you to do, and it is best to just do it. Getting on her good side is the first thing you should try to do as an employee at Wickham Farms. If you accomplish that, your time working will be much simpler." This opening paragraph was probably the most important piece in the whole paper. If I were to go back I would "star" that step. 


If I were to go back for a full revision, I might add more steps to the How To paper. I would only do this because both Taylor and I know so much about the job that it is hard to stop writing tips for new employees. Also, it would probably be beneficial to add some interest to each of the bulleted points to make the reader more interested. For one, we just list the possible things; "Car, truck, tractor, lawn mower". That could be improved by putting a zinger or something funny in before each name. Other than those few things, I think our How To paper is very well done and needs only somewhat of a revision.

How to Work at Wickham Farms

            Wickham Farms is a place of business. They serve various ice creams and foods. It also provides “family fun” outdoor activities, such as a jumping pillow, mini golf course, batting cage, petting zoo, and corn maze. Working there is fun, if you know what you are doing. Follow these simple rules and your time employed there could be exceptionally fun. We are experts on the subject.

1. Know your ice cream

There are many Hershey’s brand ice cream flavors. Some are premium, some are not. It is important to know which ice creams can be served to those who cannot have gluten, and similarly for those who cannot have peanuts. If you familiarize yourself with the ice cream, a rush will be fairly easy to handle.

• Memorize each flavor.
• Know the location of each flavor.
• Be able to say what each ice cream is made of.
• Pricing is important; know how much each size is.
1. Please the boss

He is fairly easy to please, as long as you do what he says. He is always a nice and reasonable guy, but he may joke around a bit. Don’t take what he says personally, as it is probably just a joke. He is the man.

• Do what he says.
• Ask questions if you are unsure.
• Work quickly.
• Don’t joke about him, joke with him.
2. Please the bosses wife

The bosses wife is a somewhat harder to please than the boss himself. She always has something she wants you to do, and it is best to just do it. Getting on her good side is the first thing you should try to do as an employee at Wickham Farms. If you accomplish that, your time working will be much simpler.

• Do EXACTLY what you are told.
• If your boss says to do something, and so does the wife, do what the wife says first.
• Even if it’s an unnecessary task, do it to perfection.
• Do NOT stand around.
3. Know how to fix things

Believe it or not, things break. This is true at Wickham Farms as well. Many things break, whether it is a chair or a fryer, it has to be fixed. Most of the time, you can figure out how to fix it on your own. There are plenty of tools in the barn, so it is easy to find what you need for the fix.

• Have some handyman skills.
• Don’t be afraid to use tools.
• Try to fix things before you tell the boss.
4. Be prepared for anything

MANY unforeseen things happen at Wickham Farms. It could be a crying mother about her son’ birthday cake that isn’t ready. It could also be for someone who got hit in the face by their daughter’s foul ball in the batting cages. You never know what could happen.

• If something weird happens, just go with it.
• Don’t be afraid of things that happen.
• Take some time to think about what you should do before acting upon it.
• Figure out the best solution, and act upon it.
5. Be friendly

While many customers are often cruel and unruly, as an employee you should always be friendly. How hard is it to crack a smile or use some manners? A little bit of niceness can go a long way.

• Smile.
• Laugh.
• Answer questions in a friendly manner, no matter how redundant they are.
• Use the manners that your mother taught you.
6. Know how to drive

While knowing how to drive isn’t necessary, it helps a lot around the farm. Getting there and knowing how to use a tractor are very important at the Wickham’s. Know how to drive these things:

• Car
• Truck
• Tractor
• Lawn Mower
7. Don’t ask questions!

This step is pretty self explanatory. You can ask questions if you are unsure of something, but don’t ask dumb questions…

Endings... with a BANG!

Conclusions are the key to making the reader continue thinking about your paper long after they have finished it. They are a last chance to sum up what the paper was about and leave a lasting impression. That is why there are multiple techniques to ensure that you do this in the best way possible.

Original Conclusion (Following Revision):

This residence hall is home to some of the most deadly sins of all. The students at SINS University are not people of perfection, as all of them have sinned. They will continue to repeat the same sins until they can change. However, they will always be committing at least one of The Seven Deadly Sins. There is no telling when someone will commit a sin, but the majority of people do it daily. Even the most perfect person will commit one of the sins at some point in their life.

I liked this conclusion, as I feel it reviewed the key points and left the reader comparing the paper to their own lifestyle. I would probably keep this in my paper if I were to go back and revise it.

1. Reviewing Key Points - In this type of conclusion you touch on the key points that were in your essay and restate your thesis. It works as a way of summing up everything that was said so the reader remembers things that were said in the essay better. It also involves restating the thesis in some cases.

So, like you have seen with the seven undergrads in this residence hall, the sins are easily committed. Gluttony, greed, lust, envy, pride, wrath, and sloth are all sins committed by these people. They will most likely continue sinning in this manner, unaware of what they are doing. SINS University is a place of sins, and it expresses them in close quarters. This residence hall is the perfect example for someone who wishes to learn about the seven deadly sins.

This conclusion was similar to my original in that it was reviewing the key points. It covers the important aspects of the paper and ensures the reader remembers the main idea. I definitely don't think this is a bad conclusion, but I liked my original better.

2. Prediction - This type of conclusion involves creating a possible future for your story. It takes the insight that was expressed within the essay and expands it to what could eventually happen. This way, the reader is left thinking of the possible outcomes.

Now, just because these college students have been sinning for longer than they can remember, it does not mean that they cannot overcome those sins. They can recognize their wrongs and correct them to the best of their ability. However, it is probable that in doing so, they will end up committing another sin. And so, the cycle will continue as each of these students will overcome their sins, only to pick up another.


This was a very unique conclusion. I had never used predictions in any of my papers so this idea was new to me. I think it turned out well in the end for a first try, so I am rather pleased. This conclusion could easily play just as an important role as my current conclusion in my paper.

A Reflection of My Future

I revised this essay with two goals in mind. Those were to improve the introduction and conclusion. I revamped the introduction and added a few sentences to the conclusion.

For the introduction, I wanted to make sure that I broadened the subject beyond the examples that I used in the paper. I wanted to do this so that people reading my paper could relate to it. I used "these sins are committed by everyone, whether they realize it or not. In a sense, even the best of people think they are doing right, when really they are sinning" as my thesis so that I could show that it was not just about these people.

The conclusion was also another way for me to emphasize the point that these sins apply to everyone. However, in the conclusion I used more general terms to sum up the points in my body and further relate it to the reader. I think that worked well and will convince readers to think about the sins in their everyday life. "There is no telling when someone will commit a sin, but the majority of people do it daily." This quote is just another example of how the reader is involved in my paper.

As I have said before, the body is rather well done. I did not feel that I had to change anything in those paragraphs. Other than a few grammar mistakes, I think that the body flows nicely. After rereading my revised copy, I am very satisfied with my results.

All Seven Deadly Sins Committed on a Dorm Residence Hall

            At SINS University, there is a residence hall that is rather diverse. Not only in the sense of racial and other typical attributes, but in the sense of attitude. Everyone in this hall is different. There are no two people that are exactly alike. In this hall, drama is a problem and it is caused by people who commit the seven deadly sins. They do not think they are doing wrong, but they are committing the worst sins of all. These sins are committed by everyone, whether they realize it or not. In a sense, even the best of people think they are doing right, when really they are sinning.

            Amanda, a SINS freshman, has fallen under the spell of the dining hall choices. She was never used to having so much food in front of her for so cheap during her days in high school. However, when she first entered the University dining hall, she was overwhelmed by the choices that faced her. She could eat healthy, or she could eat unhealthy. It was all up to her. She chose to eat what tasted good. And well, what tastes good isn’t always what is good for you. Thus, she has followed the law of the “freshman 15”. She is not happy with the weight she has gained, but her gluttony has made it so. There is no plan to change in Amanda’s future, and so she continues to eat.

            Matt, also living in the same residence hall, is a very smart boy. He studies constantly and is always receiving the top grades in his class. However, when other people ask for help, he is not so kind. His greed to do well on his own has take over his ability to share his knowledge with other people. He studies to better himself, and not to help better the student body as a whole. This is his downfall that makes him lesser of a student.

            Elizabeth is a very popular girl living in the dorms. Her roommate, Adriana, follows the same pattern as her. This pattern is one of excessive school spirit. They where their colors red and white wherever they go and are always the leaders of school spirit. Both of them play girls lacrosse, and take much pride in doing so. They even carry their sticks to some classes just to display their passion for the sport. Some other girls look at them in disgust. They don’t realize it, but they are actually being more obnoxious than promoting school spirit.

            Jeremy, an overweight student has always had a crush on Adriana. He helps her when she needs it and does whatever she tells him to. He likes her far more than a friend. However, Adriana does not recognize this and continues to use him as a guinea pig. He understands that she does not like him as such, but continues to do what she pleases. This is becoming a problem for Jeremy though, as he never stops thinking about her. He is distracted from his studies easily and has trouble socializing with girls other than Adriana. He lusts for her constantly.

            Tony, an extremely intelligent boy who is always focused has a serious case of envy. He stays in his room, never being invited to social outings, and studies for whatever test might be coming up. He sees the football players and lacrosse players walking by his room with girls on their arms and a sense of happiness that he does not feel. He wishes to be them constantly and has even started going to the gym to work out. His goal is to become one of the cool kids, but he just does not see himself as one.

            Andrew came to SINS University as a very outgoing and busy guy. However, as the first semester went on, he became extraordinarily lazy. He skips classes all the time, and as a result, is in jeopardy of failing out of school. He does not care though. His main priority is sleep and relaxation. To him, that is all that matters. Grades and learning are irrelevant to him. He resembles the characteristic of sloth, waiting to be consumed by laziness.

            Derek was always a popular kid. He had a girlfriend on the schools cheer leading team. They were always together and seemed madly in love. One day however, she dumped him out of the blue. He was not expecting it, and thus became very wrathful. He screamed at her and forced her from his dorm room. She left crying, while he continued to slam around pieces of furniture, breaking many in the process. It took him awhile to calm down, and when he did he was still angry inside. His ex told her friends about it, and thus he came across as a bad person.

            This residence hall is home to some of the most deadly sins of all. The students at SINS University are not people of perfection, as all of them have sinned. They will continue to repeat the same sins until they can change. However, they will always be committing at least one of The Seven Deadly Sins. There is no telling when someone will commit a sin, but the majority of people do it daily. Even the most perfect person will commit one of the sins at some point in their life.

I Really Hope THIS Isn't What College is About

When I first read the "All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at a Church Bake Sale", I began to think of ways to which I could implement the sins into my own scenario. I drafted up a few ideas and found characters who would fit well with each of the Deadly Sins. After doing that, it was rather easy to complete my paper having mapped out my ideas.

As I worked on the draft, I thought I was doing very well in establishing strong examples that were interesting to the reader. I did not find any issues coming up with a scenario within my story to exemplify the ideas I wanted to express. The main thing I struggled with was finding a flow between each of the scenarios. In some cases, I linked the two characters together, while in others, I created a whole new theme.

I also had a bit of trouble with a strong introduction and conclusion. It was difficult to summarize my examples because each of them were so in depth. If I wrote more in the introduction, I would have to go further in depth, which would give too much away at the beginning. The easiest part of this draft hands down was the examples. I just had a really good image of what I wanted from this essay and each of the examples came extraordinarily easy to me. In fact, I started a pattern by starting each paragraph with the persons name. I thought this helped the flow of the essay a great amount. All I had to do was simply come up with good wording. "He sees the football players and lacrosse players walking by his room with girls on their arm and a sense of happiness that he does not feel." This sentence is just one example of the wording I used to strengthen the paper.

When writing this draft, I explored the various techniques of exemplification papers. I learned that they can be written in many different ways, depending on the style of the author. For me, it was easy in dividing each example by paragraphs and further linking them to the thesis. I feel as though it got the job done very well.

After rereading my paper yesterday, I stand on the point that my examples were strong and interesting. However, I noticed that my introduction and conclusion were lacking in strength. I could definitely lengthen both the introduction and the conclusion by further explaining my thesis. If I fixed those paragraphs, my essay would have far less weaknesses. As I said with the examples, they are definitely the strongest point of my essay and still give the reader an interesting topic. Without my examples, my essay would be very weak and have virtually no purpose. "He is distracted from his studies easily and has trouble socializing with girls other than Adriana. He lusts for her constantly." This quote is one of the examples I used in explaining a boys lust, one of the 7 Deadly Sins. The only thing I really have to work on is strengthening my introduction and conclusion. I could also perhaps go back and ensure that my grammar is up to par.

The College Life

            At SINS University, there is a residence hall that is rather diverse. Not only in the sense of racial and other typical attributes, but in the sense of attitude. Everyone in this hall is different. There are no two people that are exactly alike. In this hall, drama is a problem and it is caused by people who commit the seven deadly sins. They do not think they are doing wrong, but they are committing the worst sins of all.

            Amanda, a SINS freshman, has fallen under the spell of the dining hall choices. She was never used to having so much food in front of her for so cheap during her days in high school. However, when she first entered the University dining hall, she was overwhelmed by the choices that faced her. She could eat healthy, or she could eat unhealthy. It was all up to her. She chose to eat what tasted good. And well, what tastes good isn’t always what is good for you. Thus, she has followed the law of the “freshman 15”. She is not happy with the weight she has gained, but her gluttony has made it so. There is no plan to change in Amanda’s future, and so she continues to eat.

            Matt, also living in the same residence hall, is a very smart boy. He studies constantly and is always receiving the top grades in his class. However, when other people ask for help, he is not so kind. His greed to do well on his own has take over his ability to share his knowledge with other people. He studies to better himself, and not to help better the student body as a whole. This is his downfall that makes him lesser of a student.

            Elizabeth is a very popular girl living in the dorms. Her roommate, Adriana, follows the same pattern as her. This pattern is one of excessive school spirit. They wear their colors red and white wherever they go and are always the leaders of school spirit. Both of them play girls lacrosse, and take much pride in doing so. They even carry their sticks to some classes just to display their passion for the sport. Some other girls look at them in disgust. They don’t realize it, but they are actually being more obnoxious than promoting school spirit.

            Tony, an extremely intelligent boy who is always focused has a serious case of envy. He stays in his room, never being invited to social outings, and studies for whatever test might be coming up. He sees the football players and lacrosse players walking by his room with girls on their arm and a sense of happiness that he does not feel. He wishes to be them constantly and has even started going to the gym to work out. His goal is to become one of the cool kids, but he just does not see himself as one.

            Andrew came to SINS University as a very outgoing and busy guy. However, as the first semester went on, he became extraordinarily lazy. He skips classes all the time, and as a result, is in jeopardy of failing out of school. He does not care though. His main priority is sleep and relaxation. To him, that is all that matters. Grades and learning are irrelevant to him. He resembles the characteristic of sloth, waiting to be consumed by laziness.

            Derek was always a popular kid. He had a girlfriend on the schools cheer leading team. They were always together and seemed madly in love. One day however, she dumped him out of the blue. He was not expecting it, and thus became very wrathful. He screamed at her and forced her from his dorm room. She left crying, while he continued to slam around pieces of furniture, breaking many in the process. It took him awhile to calm down, and when he did he was still angry inside. His ex told her friends about it, and thus he came across as a bad person.

            This residence hall is home to some of the most deadly sins of all. The students at SINS University are not people of perfection, as all of them have sinned. They will continue to repeat the same sins until they can change. However, they will always be committing at least one of The Seven Deadly Sins.

How to Start...?

I am trying different introduction techniques that I could use in place of my current introduction. In my original introduction I started off by listing some interesting facts about chocolate chip cookies in general. Then, I brought in some of my own opinions on the tastes of cookie that helped create a more informal feel for the remainder of the essay. While I did like some of my new introductions, I still preferred my original for my essay. This is probably because at the time I had just tested the cookies, and I was thinking more about the topic at the time.

Original Introduction:
Believe it or not, chocolate chip cookies were actually invented. They weren’t just made by every grandma in history and passed down to their grandchildren. In fact, chocolate chip cookies were first invented in 1930. That means that they haven’t even been around for 100 years, so any person claiming to have the best recipe that has been passed down through their family for generations is lying!



Technique #1: A Good Question - This is a good way to draw the reader in with an interesting question. But that's just it, it has to be interesting. I think I accomplished the interesting part with this one, as it is on a personal level with the reader, but still addressing a possible problem.

Do you enjoy every type of chocolate chip cookie that you try? I don't think so. Some are phenomenal, while some... not so much. I was lucky enough to "study" the tastes of various store bought cookies and compare them to the cherished homemade cookies that I love so much. While the majority of the cookies were downright awful, there were a few that I actually enjoyed. Although, absolutely none of them compared to the homemade cookies that I had grown so fond of, even with the appealing packaging.

Technique #2: Speaking Directly to the Reader's Concerns - This is talking right at the reader. You want to make them feel like the essay was tailored for them. This is a very difficult technique to master, as you need to get inside the readers' heads. Also, not all readers will have the same direction, so you have to appeal to the majority.

Perhaps you have had a time when you could not decide which chocolate chip cookie to purchase, like what brand, what size, and even what shape. Maybe you have trouble finding a chocolate chip cookie that you actually enjoy. You want one that doesn't make you're taste buds cringe. I was always in this same boat, as chocolate chip cookies were my favorite after dinner meal. That is, until I decided I would test various cookies to determine which was my absolute favorite.

Technique #3: Quotation - This is pretty self explanatory. It opens up the essay with a quotation that makes the reader want more. I don't really like this style because it seems to forced. I feel like quotations are only used in the introduction if there is no other good way to open it. It feels like you are just copying someone else's work because you could not think of anything yourself.

"Eww... this is absolutely the worst cookie I have ever tasted" blurted one of my classmates. "Even worse than the sugar free brand?" Another student replied. And so the comments went back and forth debating the taste of the store bought cookies that didn't stand a chance against homemade delicacies. We continued analyzing each and every cookie and determining what we thought of each. From there, we were able to decide what we liked and didn't like as we became experts on the various cookies.

Yummy Yummy Cookies...NOT!

When I was assigned this paper, there were a few steps I had to take prior to writing. First of all, it was necessary to explore the topic that I was writing about. In this case, I had to eat a variety of chocolate chip cookies before I could critique and reflect upon them. Then, I had to take my knowledge to another level. This required research from various sources who have opinions on chocolate chip cookies and the various elements they are critiqued upon. Finally, after accumulated an adequate pool of ideas on the subject, I was able to write my paper. The actual paper writing process came very easily for me, as I had experienced firsthand what it was that I was analyzing. The main struggle that I had with my draft was in making what I wanted to say sound interesting. I couldn't simply be boring with the descriptions I used, so making up a good flow for the essay was definitely the hardest part. On the contrary, knowing what it was that I wanted to say was by far the easiest part. I knew exactly what it was I wanted to express throughout the entire essay. My favorite part of this draft was imagining all of the chocolate chip cookies in my head. Although none of them were up to par with homemade cookies, a few of them were still moderately tasteful. The frustrating part for me was just the repetition that is required when describing multiple items under one topic. Since each cookie may have a similarity with another, it became redundant to explain it again. Preparing for this essay was simply by doing the steps I listed above. After experiencing firsthand the tastes, it was fairly simple to write an essay about them.

When rereading my draft I really enjoyed it. I was interested the majority of the time and felt like I did a good job as a first draft. However, I did find little things that could be improved, such as making sentences more interesting. After all, this was only the first draft and I am very satisfied with it. I will probably go back and add more "excitement" to my paper to grab the readers attention throughout it's entirety. An example of my dull sentence structure can be seen in the following excerpt: "The first step we took was to discuss the packaging of the various chocolate chip cookies. From this, we thought we had a pretty good idea of how the cookies were going to taste. For example, the Baked Montauk cookies came in a packaging that looked very appealing to the eye." Also, I could definitely elaborate more on the various cookies that I tasted, but I would only do that if I could make it sound interesting.

My partner really enjoyed my introduction, but he did say it may be a bit long. Upon starting my essay I intended only the first paragraph to be my intro. But, upon further thought, it seems as though my second paragraph is also part of my introduction. I probably did that because I could not express all of my ideas in the first paragraph. My partner thought the same thing. While he did say it could be shortened, he said that I delivered throughout the rest of my essay. He emphasized how well I linked the topics in my intro with the body of the essay.

The first thing that I would do to revise my essay is go back and look at the introduction. This would be paragraphs 1 and 2. I would like to combine them into one paragraph, while still maintaining the strong ideas that I had expressed. However, if upon revision I want to keep my introduction, I may leave it as is. Also, my essay is very "to the point", so I may want to go back and add some interesting transitions. In my body paragraphs I could definitely use some stronger words and transitions. This would allow me to further bring my readers into the essay.

Chocolate Chip Cookie…Grossness?

            Believe it or not, chocolate chip cookies were actually invented. They weren’t just made by every grandma in history and passed down to their grandchildren. In fact, chocolate chip cookies were first invented in 1930. That means that they haven’t even been around for 100 years, so any person claiming to have the best recipe that has been passed down through their family for generations is lying!

            Now, there has also been much debate on what the best chocolate chip cookie is. It is often a race to find the perfect blend of ingredients to make the ultimate chocolate chip cookies. Usually the store bought cookies are not even in the race for the best cookie. But for some of us, those fancied homemade cookies cannot be obtained easily. So, as a class we decided to compare the tastes of various store-bought cookies and analyze how good they are.

            The first step we took was to discuss the packaging of the various chocolate chip cookies. From this, we thought we had a pretty good idea of how the cookies were going to taste. For example, the Baked Montauk cookies came in a packaging that looked very appealing to the eye. They were packaged in a white bag the resembled the texture of a flour bag. A cookie with melted chocolate chips was depicted on the front that made it look extremely appetizing. On the other hand, the Keebler cookies are packaged in kid friendly bag that looks appetizing, but not gourmet like the Montauk cookies. The blue packaging with cartoon figures on it makes it appealing for kids. It makes the buyer assume the cookies aren’t very good, as they are made for kids.

            The REAL test for the best cookies was the taste test. We tried the best cookie first, even though we expected it to be the worst. These were the Keebler Chips Deluxe. They tasted fairly good for packaged cookies, but nowhere near the quality of my mother’s home made cookies. I definitely could have eaten them as a snack, but I would never choose them over some freshly baked cookies. Next, we tried the sugar free cookies. They hardly even tasted like chocolate chip cookies. They were more like those vanilla wafers that you eat out of the box. I don’t understand how those would resemble chocolate chip cookies! When we were opening the Chips Ahoy, we thought they would taste almost identical to the Keebler cookies. However, they were the hardest cookies we tried and did not taste much better. Now, both the Archway and the Montauk cookies looked the most appetizing to eat. However, they also tasted quite possibly the worst. It was like sour dough just being forced down your throat. The generic Wegmans cookies were just that, generic. They weren’t awful, but they weren’t great either. There was no special feature about them.

            Chocolate chip cookies have always been my favorite dessert, along with a glass of milk. I have a craving for homemade chocolate chip cookies at least once a day. However, I never really enjoy eating packaged chocolate chip cookies. They just don’t contain the same freshness and taste that make chocolate chip cookies what they are. If I had the opportunity to pick any cookie, it would be homemade cookies of any caliber over these packaged balls of dough.